I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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