Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
