I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
