TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
