I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize