all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
