ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
