Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
