I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
