I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
