walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
