He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize