I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So much Jack, so little girl.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
