youre lurking in front of me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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