whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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