I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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