After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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