so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
soo... how was my night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
