Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
