A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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