I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize