I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
