Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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