ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
