everyone is single if you try hard enough
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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