awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
