I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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