maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
