you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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