Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
