i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
