At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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