just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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