Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
