nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
