and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
