Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
