Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
