His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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