I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
