he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
