i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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