Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
