she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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