He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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