We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
