Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
