So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if only i could text you this smell
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
