I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
