You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
