I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
