i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
