Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
