She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
