Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
