My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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