The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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