Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
