guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
