that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize