i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
