remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
