the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize