So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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