am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
