dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
