so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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