she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I deserve this hangover.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
