I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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