Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
