YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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