i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize