my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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