Plan B is the new Plan A
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
