I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
