Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize