Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
