Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
