Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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