wrigley field is MILF paradise
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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